I want a mentor! How do I get one?
When I first got a mentor, I wasn’t sure what it was and how it would help me. Within the first session it transformed my motivation for work, and then my impact – I recommend you try it! In surveys, 100% of managers receiving mentoring report higher job satisfaction, 20% more mat leave returners stay, and a 25% increase in general talent retention is reported.
So, how do you get a great mentor? This ten point plan leads you through the process.
What are the key things you want from a mentor? Might it be
someone with experience of a role you are aiming for in a certain type/size of organisation?
someone who has overcome a personal challenge you face (eg working with a protected characteristic)?
a specific style of leader?
Who do you know who may fit the bill? Who has inspired you when you have seen them at events, in articles they have written, or in relation to their job? If you can identify two or three people yourself, go straight to step 5. If you need help identifying potential mentors, go to next step.
Who can help you find your mentor? List three people you know well and feel comfortable speaking to: your manager, peers at work, friends, family – anyone you click with. Be open to the idea that each of them will likely know a potential mentor who fits your needs.
Speak to each of those people to pick their brains. Tell them you are looking for a mentor, and the sort of person you are looking for (referring to step 1 above). Then ask, “Who do you know who I might be able to sound out?’ From these conversations, you will get three people’s contact details, who you can approach as a mentor.
Look up your potential mentors on LinkedIn. What it is about them that inspires you? Send them a short message (either on LinkedIn with a connection request, or by email if you have their contact details), which
Explains how they have inspired you, ie one or two things you admire about their work
Mentions anything/anyone you have in common
Gives a flavour of your challenges and priorities at work/for your career
Requests a short zoom coffee/chat and explains what you would like to learn from them, eg ‘I would love to pick your brains about [eg their journey, tips they may have]’.
If they say yes, then send them three alternative dates/times. They may not have time to check their own diaries – it’s much easier for them to pick from a list of options. This will hopefully lead to an agreed time.
If they don’t reply, wait a week and then send them a follow-up message including your suggested dates/times. This often encourages a reply.
If they still don’t reply, you may have to let them go – in which case one of your other potential mentors will hopefully come good.
Once you have scheduled the zoom meeting, prepare for the conversation:
Think of open and curious questions to ask them. Start by taking time to connect by asking what they like to do at weekends or in the evenings, what books they read, or how things are for them at the moment. Then lead into open work questions, eg “I would love you to tell me how you got to where you are.” “What is important to you?” “What do you enjoy?” “What tips do you have for me, to get into this area?”. Be ready to also briefly tell them where you are at, and where you want to get to.
During the conversation, go with the flow. Give them space to reflect on their thoughts. Try to step back and gauge how well you click with them.
When you wrap up:
Summarize any useful stories, advice or tips they provided, to show that you value their input
If you feel it’s been helpful, ask whether they would be happy to have a coffee again in a few months’ time – and ask if they want to fix a date. It’s all about asking in a non-threatening way – and then making it happen. Remember that when people hear the word “mentor”, they may worry that they aren’t skilled enough, or that it may take too much of their time, so make your request in a way that is easy for them to say yes to. Later on, when your relationship is established, you can say you think of them as your mentor, which they will then take as a big compliment!
If you aren’t sure whether you click with them, try someone else. An impactful mentoring relationship has rapport, trust and honesty on both sides.
Remember to follow up with a thank-you message within the week. Use this to share a few things you learned during the conversation, and to remind them you’d like to follow up. Then schedule a reminder to yourself to book in another call and make it happen.
I hope these tips have been useful. Give it a try - you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain. Email me on nicki.deeson@gmail.com to tell me how it works or to ask any questions.